Undercover Confessions
by Little Gem Magnolia
Summary: "And you know what? Until you pull undercover duty, don't lecture me about how long I've been under. You have no idea what it's like." [CaKe.]
1. Confessions of an Undercover Agent

_Undercover Confessions_

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Miami or any of the characters.

Summary: "And you know what? Until you pull undercover duty, don't lecture me about how long I've been under. You have no idea what it's like."

A/N: This is set during the season eight episode Meltdown when Eric accuses Jake of stealing the diamonds from evidence. This is purely a CaKe fic and is a bit AU as the events here _do not _leave way for the hip-hugger relationship shown throughout the rest of the series. Also, the quote in the summary is taken directly from the show and, therefore, is not mine.

I got this idea when I caught the Eric/Jake confrontation on TV the other night - because I'm not ashamed to admit that I stopped watching CSI: Miami during early season six - and I just couldn't help but put the idea into words. Jake seemed a little bitter about, not only Eric's accusations, but his assumptions that he knows what kind of person he is which, in turn, got me to thinking about how Calleigh ended it with him when he asked her to wait. (Which I was never happy with.) As such, I decided to write my own ending because I was not happy with what I was shown and I hope everyone enjoys reading it.

I also have to warn that this is a little bit different from my normal writing style as it's a bit choppier than what I normally write. I wanted to really capture being in each characters head and, as we all know, sometimes our thoughts and emotions aren't the most coherent or cohesive.

* * *

_Confessions of an Undercover Agent_

_"And you know what? Until you pull undercover duty, don't lecture me about how long I've been under. You have no idea what it's like." _

Just as he was about to turn away and make his exit, he caught sight of the smirk on Delko's face and that just irritated him all the more.

Stalking forward, he came toe-to-toe with the taller man. "Don't you dare stand there, all high and mighty just because you work nine to five," he ground out between clenched teeth. "You wouldn't be able to pull undercover work."

Eric opened his mouth to reply but Jake cut him off, jabbing a finger to his chest. "My job has cost me more than I care to admit. I don't have a normal life and I don't have a family or friends because it's too dangerous. The only women I allow myself to see, I see because it's part of my job and none of them even come close to the woman I've had to watch walk out of my life not once, but_ twice _because of the work I do."

Jake could feel his jaw ticking as he pushed the CSI back against the windowed walls of interrogation, eyes gleaming madly. And he wasn't just any CSI; he was_ the _CSI. The one who had everything Jake had ever wanted. The one who had been there to pick up the pieces of what Jake had left behind.

He'd never wanted to hurt her, he'd never wanted to walk away from her again but, as much as he loved her, his job was a calling. He'd seen it during his time as a homicide detective. While he'd been happier than ever _personally_, _professionally_, he had been in a rut. Clocking in and working a couple of cases, cleaning up the messes of a crime already committed just didn't hold the same sense of accomplishment fighting from the inside did.

Going under and getting into the mind of the bad guys.

Becoming the bad guy.

Stopping the bad guy _before_ things got too serious not after the damage was already done.

That was what he'd always wanted, what he was made for.

He had no illusions about his job; he knew it was a nightmare. He lived the nightmare every day. But, despite longing for normalcy, longing for _her_, he couldn't give it up. Not right now.

When he had been with her, he had been truly happy but it had felt like he had been denying a part of himself. At least this way, he could go under and work and be who he was meant to be and _imagine _that she was at home waiting for him. It was a sick fantasy but it helped him get by. Thankfully ATF didn't give him much free time between assignments so he could continue to believe, to imagine, to fantasize.

There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't picture her: standing barefoot in the kitchen, wrapped in one of his shirts making breakfast, waiting for him to call. And, occasionally, he found himself calling her during his free time only to hang up at the sound of her voice. That lazy southern drawl acting as his reality check, letting him know that she wasn't his and the reality he'd set up in his mind was just an illusion.

Which brought him back to the present.

The man he had backed up against the walls of interrogation, he had her now and he'd be lying if he said that didn't crease him just a little bit. More than just a little bit if he was honest with himself but, then again, he was rarely honest with himself.

And how could she let herself fall for someone like this? He was a_ yes man_, he had no backbone and Jake wasn't even sure how he ended up as a CSI. Even when he had been with her, this Eric Delko had been trailing behind like some lost puppy, just waiting for some scraps. And, unintentionally, Jake had left all the puppy needed to push ahead when he went back under.

But just because he'd left scraps of her behind, didn't mean that she had hadn't left scraps of him too. Scraps that were still here in Miami and would always be here no matter where he went. Scraps that would be hers until the end of time. He would keep coming back for the scraps too, just to get a glimpse of her. Even if it meant risking his cover and his life.

* * *

Please review.


	2. Musings of a CSI

_Undercover Confessions_

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Miami or any of the characters.

A/N: I want to thank whoever read and reviewed the first chapter of this. I really appreciate the feedback and support.

* * *

_Musings of a CSI_

Eric felt like an outsider looking in as Jake punched the glass beside his head and turned swiftly, stalking from the room. Berkeley was so preoccupied he almost ran over Calleigh right outside of interrogation and Eric's heart clenched as she reached for his hand when Jake would have skirted around her in his haste to be anywhere but where he was.

Had he pushed her too fast? He couldn't help but wonder as he watched the interaction between the two former lovers.

He'd never thought much of Jake in the first place but had it been right to swoop in as soon as the relationship was over and make his intentions known? Had it put unnecessary pressure on Calleigh to make a decision? It was something he could honestly say he'd never thought of before but, as he watched them talk outside, doubts came rushing to the forefront of his mind.

They obviously shared a special chemistry, a unique dynamic even after a year apart. Had it been right to hover around their relationship like a buzzard waiting for an injured animal to die off?

Calleigh had once told him that love had never been in question in her relationship with Jake. She had always known that she loved him, and he her, and she trusted him no matter what. Despite being gone for long periods of time, she trusted him with her heart and she had no doubts as to if he was doing the right thing while he was away.

When she had made these confessions to him, it had nearly ripped his heart out. It had been obvious that she still had feelings for Jake but then it hadn't been long after that that she had agreed to go to dinner with him.

Was he the rebound?

Was he just the safety net?

Jake had certainly made a point of putting emphasis on his nine to five position. Was that why Calleigh agreed to date him? He was stable? He was always going to be around?

Was that why she always seemed so distant? Was he just a substitution for what she wanted but couldn't have?

As he watched them walk off together, Eric felt a pang of guilt deep in his gut. Had he aided in the dissolution of their relationship? Was it because he was there, always offering her an out, a sure thing, that she decided she couldn't put up with Jake's absences anymore?

He couldn't help but wonder.

* * *

Please review.


	3. Ballistics Revelations

_Undercover Confessions_

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Miami or any of the characters.

A/N: Now just a warning, things get a little confusing in this one. Calleigh and Jake's thoughts are so jumbled with emotions running high and what not that I'm sure they don't always make sense but I hope it's enjoyable to read none the less.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter; I really appreciate it.

* * *

_Ballistics Revelations_

Jake couldn't think, couldn't focus, as he stormed out of interrogation. How dare that little weasel not only question his job but his morality? He had half a mind to turn back around and beat that smug look off Eric Delko's face.

Sure he could sit up on his high horse; he didn't see what Jake saw every day. He didn't have to make a new identity every year or so and surround himself with backstabbing, ruthless criminals.

No, _he_ could sit back in his lab for eight hours and then go home to Jake's world.

Closing his eyes against the images that thought conjured, Jake slammed hard into a warm body. Dark eyes snapping open, Jake looked down into the green eyes of the last woman he wanted to see right now. He loved her, he really did, but he was in no mood to be around her right now.

She was so damn cheery.

She felt like home and, when he looked at her, his painful illusions seemed even more real than they did when he was away.

He couldn't lie to himself right now. He had to get away from this, from her and, if need be, from Miami. He'd put in a transfer if he had to.

With that thought in mind, he tried to edge around her but he wasn't quick enough. Faster than he could register, she reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him back to her with surprising force.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She sounded concerned and he found that the illusion had already started to take hold of his senses.

Not now. Not in front of her.

He shook his head as he tried to free his hand. "Nothing, I just gotta get back. ATF is already getting things set up to relocate me until things cool down here."

Calleigh's raised eyebrow let him know that he didn't sound anymore convincing to her than he did to himself.

He was an undercover agent for crying out loud. Surely he could lie better than this.

"Well I'm sure you can spare an old friend a few minutes," she began with hopeful eyes. "Until everything is in place for your relocation of course."

The bright smile she sent his way was starting to pull at his heartstrings and, in that moment, he could deny her nothing.

"I really should be going," he tried one last time.

"And I'll let you go," she promised coyly. "Just as soon as you come down to ballistics with me and vent out your frustrations in the gun range. Maybe then you can tell me what's got you so riled up."

She knew him so well. Even after all these years, all their time apart, she could still read him like an open book. And maybe he _was_ an open book when it came to her.

Sighing his consent, he gestured for her to lead the way.

* * *

It didn't take long for him to start spilling his guts once she got him down to the gun range. The ammo started to fly, his firearm pulling slightly with a comforting familiarity and, during reloads, he explained the situation to her; strategically leaving out the parts that involved her of course.

He'd messed up her life enough already.

At the end of it all, she just smiled and reached out to touch his shoulder. "Don't give it another thought. I'll take care of it," she assured.

He turned to stare at her, disbelief written on his face. "But you don't even-"

She held up a hand to cut him off. "Of course I do."

She sounded so sure of herself, of him.

"I know you, remember? You'd never cross the line like that." She paused for a minute, her eyes turning playful. "And you couldn't have taken the diamonds because you were with me at the hospital, remember?"

A genuine smile lit up his face then and she could see the gratitude in his dark eyes.

Oh how she had missed that smile. If she was honest, she missed everything about him. His smile, his eyes, his taste, his smell; his clothes laying around her house, his beer in her fridge, his aftershave in the cabinet above the sink, his shampoo in her shower.

She knew she shouldn't, she had Eric now and he was stable. He was dependable, he was there in ways Jake had never been but, in that same respect, she and Jake shared things that she knew Eric could never understand.

They met on different levels and, for the life of her, she couldn't decipher which levels were more important. She knew she cared for Eric, trusted him with her life and her heart but Jake, despite any and all pretense to the contrary, _owned _her heart.

Eric was quick to show his love for her, to let everyone know who she belonged to but Jake had never felt the need for machismo when it came to her. Jake had always known, without a doubt, that she loved him and, more importantly, _she_ had known that she loved him.

With Jake love had never been a question but with Eric, it was the question to end all questions.

* * *

Please review.


	4. Mutual Realizations

_Undercover Confessions_

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Miami or any of the characters.

A/N: Dialogue in_ italics _has been taken straight from the show and, as such, doesn't belong to me either. Also, while this is the end of this particular part, a follow-up is in the works and should be posted in a few days.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed; I'm glad you enjoyed taking this ride with me even though it was a rather short one.

* * *

_Mutual Realizations_

Calleigh's eyes lit up as she stepped into the processing lab. Eric Delko, just the man she wanted to see.

"_Hey, um, Jake told me what happened and I just wanted to stop by and let you know that you don't have to worry about him_."

Eric laughed and shook his head. "_I'm not worried. Look it's not about you and me, Calleigh. It's about the lab_."

Calleigh let out a laugh of her own as she caught onto his meaning. "_No, I meant he couldn't have taken the diamonds_."

He leaned forward, bracing himself on the table, eyes narrowed. She sounded so sure of herself. "_You're just going to take his word?_"

"_Well he was with me. I took him to the hospital to get checked out_," she informed in a detached tone, watching closely as his jaw tightened.

"Yeah, I saw you two talking in the hall earlier," he began scornfully. "He quickly ran to you when things got too hot in interrogation, didn't he?"

"He didn't run to anyone. He seemed upset and I offered to listen." A hard look replaced her formerly relaxed expression at his sarcasm and her hands found her hips. "And while we're on the subject of the interrogation, what was with you accusing him of being a dirty cop?"

Eric closed his eyes at the defensiveness in her tone. He'd heard that tone before back when he'd accidentally let her relationship with Jake slip to Stetler.

"Why are you so concerned with our conversation?"

A few people outside stopped for a moment to watch the interaction between the couple and he knew then that he'd gotten a little louder than he'd intended.

She faltered a moment, oblivious to their audience. "I'm concerned because Jake hasn't given us a reason to doubt him this time around. Despite his shady and outright questionable actions, he's a good cop." She paused, running a hand through her hair. "He's one of us. I'd be defending you too if the roles were reversed."

Shaking his head even as his heart broke, Eric stepped back from the table where he was working, taking his gloves off as he retreated. "That's the problem right there. Your loyalty shouldn't be the same because we're both cops; it should be different because_ we're _together and he's _just_ a cop."

Calleigh nodded solemnly as reality hit her in the face.

He was right; he was absolutely right. It had taken her long enough to see it but, now that she had, the situation at hand was painfully obvious. And as she and Eric mulled over their mutual realization, she had to admit that a part of her had seen this coming. Maybe even before her talk with Jake earlier.

Getting Jake Berkeley out of her system had never been an easy task, which raised the question: Had she ever really been over him to begin with? It was hard to say for sure but taking into account that he could still make her heart skip a beat with just a look after, not one but _two_, painful breakups and years of separation, it was safe to assume that he had always held a place in her heart.

"I can't come first when he's not around only to be thrown to the back burner whenever he reenters the picture, Calleigh." And, as he took in her apologetic and slightly floored expression, Eric knew that he wasn't even mad at her as he could pinpoint his own blame in this twisted love triangle.

No one was_ really _at fault, they were all just victims of circumstance and maybe, just maybe, things could start to be right again. For all three of them.

* * *

Please review.


End file.
